ISRAEL ENDANGERS U.S. ALL: Flotilla Activists Massacred

DIE, ISRAEL

"Enough" in Hebrew is Die.

Beyond breathtaking, the news this morning from International Waters off Gaza that the Israeli Defense Forces have boarded and opened fire on ships sailing under white flags to Gaza with humanitarian aid and at least one Nobel Peace Prize winner and one Holocaust survivor on board.

IF one doesn't believe Israel is being run by fundamentalist idiots, then one must accept that this morning's action against the Peace Flotilla is utterly intentional. Mister Bates, for one, no longer gives a shit as to the consequences for Israel. Check with Mister Bates in a few days and he may well join the chorus that says: Israel must go. For now, what matters is what how it affects Mister Bates himself. His life (short). His family (gay). His city (NYC). His country (US).

Israel is signing not just its own death warrant, but bringing the justifiable wrath of the world down on the U.S.

NETANYAHU MUST BE BANNED FROM AMERICA. NO VISIT ON THURSDAY. NO VISIT EVER.

And SCREW anyone who says opposing Israel's racist military state is anti-Semitism. That one has FINALLY played itself out.

FROM BP TO ABC: Brits LOVE a Top Kill

WARNING TO SECULAR FANS: TIME OUT FROM REALITY.

Pentecost 2010. Which 'melodious sonnet sung by flaming tongues above' is the Archbitchup of Canterbury singing now? Let me splain.

His Grace Lord Rowan Williams Archbishop of Canterbury has released a 'Pentecost Letter to the Anglican Communion,' a sort of BP style Top Kill attempt to stop the bleeding in the Anglican Communion—and save that valuable bloodline in the process. And surprise, surprise, Rowan's letter turns out to be no Top Kill, but more of a global Buzz Kill.

The letter intended to be an explanation of the 'painful divisions' in the worldwide Communion of 77 million Anglicans, but is in fact a photo-realist portrait of the painful divisions in his own supposedly formidable mind. And children of the Lord, that mind is one HOT MESS.

The Presenting Issue

That's Episcopalian for finger-in-the-eye. Anyway. After 30+ years of kissing some mighty bony Republipalian and angly Anglican ass, The Episcopal Church has FINALLY decided—to paraphrase Judy Garland in The Good Ole Summertime—

"we don't care,
we don't care,
when it comes to happiness
we'll have our share.
Don't try to rearrange us,
there's nothing can change us,
cause we do-on't ca-areeee."


The Episcopal Church is Feeling No Pain

The Episcopal Church finally got the sin of exclusion off its back and said we're going to live the abundant life our savior redeemed us for. We're gonna be marrying gays, real soon. And in the meantime, we're going to consecrate open queers. And just to prove it, Canon Mary Glasspool, longtime pet lesbian of the East Coast Episcopalian elite, has been elected and consecrated a bishop in God's one holy and apostolic church, Los Angeles chapter.

Word is the Episcopal Bishop of Massachusetts Tom Shaw has authorized priests in his diocese to go ahead and marry all those queers who keep crowding up the aisles of the puritan commonwealth. Meanwhile, Blessed V. Gene Robinson, Episcopal Bishop of New Hampshire, in a photo from a luncheon for his new fellow bishop Mary of Hollywood, had a look of serene relief on his face that hasn't been there since his well-attended but still lonely consecration in 2003. (What the children of God owe that man is incalculable.)


U.S. Still to Pay for Communion

What is demonstrably painful is watching Rowan contort like a worm in hot ashes over how to kick the U.S. out but NOT our checkbooks. See: Estimates say from 40%-80% of the budget of the Anglican Communion comes out of American pockets. Even at the low end, American dollars are absolutely essential to... for one thing, salaries of a great many people who wait on His Grace and Mrs. Williams in Lambeth Palace, not to mention the entire concept of the Anglican Communion as a global missional enterprise. You see, children, whatever the stock market says, God's a traditionalist and God STILL trusts in the Yankee dollar.

And in the "our own worst enemies file" it's worth mentioning that a great many American bishops love nothing so much as playing Bishop Bountiful in Anglican Africans and Indians. They adore the way the little children are suffered to come unto them, how they leap and sing and smile big as watermelons. So much nicer than the surly entitled poor back home in...Boston, Bishop Shaw? New York City, Bishop Roskam? But in truth, why should anybody complain about our bishops enjoying a little God-playing time? After all, it's U.S. who pays for it.

With his Pentecost Letter Rowan has provided The Episcopal Church with the logic we need to, cough, cough, reduce our commitment. Rowan says the Communion needs to exclude Episcopalians from "representative" bodies of the Communion because our apostasy of "seeking and serving Christ in ALL persons" trespasses the Anglican Communion's self-conception of diversity. (Like THEY get to say what diversity is. Diversity is self-defining and the number one definition is that diversity has NO LIMITS.)

Of course, it's our money that pays for all these "representative" Anglican bodies to fly, lodge, dine, drink, meet, greet and REPRESENT. So, Rowan proposes Episcopalians still go, as consultants (viz. authorized signers) not representatives. U.S. pays for no says.

Objecting "The Least Christian" Thing U.S. Could Do

That's right. Rowan has the (tiny) cujones to say if we object to our own marginalization we should still pay for it. But—and here is where the actual Christianity comes in—The Episcopal Church has traveled a true via dolorosa to this point before finally surrendering to God's will and affirming that simplest and hardest of Christian truths: "we are one." So, which is more Christian, to pay for putting "the limits of diversity" (a fave Rowan phrase) into the mouth of Christ?

That Rowan, What Will He Say Next?

In the course of his jam-packed and fun-filled Pentecost Letter, the Archbishop generously lards in some of his prize concepts of exclusion developed over, lo, these ten plus years of his ascendancy. For instance, he starts the whole thing by explaining Pentecost to the state university crowd, not as the ignition of the firy empowerment of Christ's people which less august thinkers might call it, but as a deeply humbling permission to call God "Abba, Father." Women, gays and just about anybody with a modern brain in the Church of England, including the present Queen, might read this with pause. See, Rowan's day job is running that bastion of gender strait-jacketing, the Church of England. Most of us, even Episcopalians, are able to accept that, for now at least, we move and have our being in a church that is a hierarchy. But many, even in Tory Britain, had hoped we'd put paid to the church of patriarchy. Not, it seems, Sasquatch, uh, Rowan Williams.

Rowan Likes His World Neatly Divided

Again, in his typically broody letter—is it really just a Welsh thang?—Rowan reiterates his segregation of the world into developing vs. modern. He thinks the "rapidity of change" in the modern West, or North, or whatever we are, is somehow bypassing the developing world. When he says, "the witness in the communion of Christians from the developing world is more articulate and creative than ever," listen close and you'll feel the undertow. Brits of Rowan's ilk love nothing so much as saying one thing to mean the opposite, i.e. "articulate" really means "loud," and "creative" really means "destructive." Take note, Orthodoxhunds.

Rowan goes on to explain that topics confronting us in the West—sexuality, bio-ethics, for instance—aren't current in those 'creative' developing nations. WTF? Rowan? Where the HELL have you been? Can't someone, maybe Wifey, give you the highlights from the papers?

The revolution in sexual politics is global. The international outcry over Uganda's death penalty law for gays? The gay couple imprisoned in Malawi for 14 years of hard labor for becoming "engaged" and celebrating it publicly? The ongoing public torture and murder of gays in Iran, Iraq, Egypt, etc.? And "bio-ethics" is, what, too technical for Africans? Nothing for them to get their nappy heads upset over? Wow. The imperial patriarchal condescension of Rowan is something out of ... not even the 19th century. This is 18th century George III and Marie Antoinette stuff. Both lost their heads. And we in America, in case you forgot Rowan, set ourselves FREE.

Words Matter—Rowan and Pat Separated At Ordination

Rowan, in a faux bow to the tortured and tortuous, deliberate and almost endless process whereby The Episcopal Church concluded on full inclusion of LGBT people in the life of the Body of Christ, says we did it "in conscience." Seems respectful, right? But he's saying we decided it for ourselves, that the Holy Spirit had and has nothing to do with where we are as a church on this. He's saying he doesn't believe the The Episcopal Church's discernment of its future was or is sacramental. (Secular readers, believe it or not this parsing matters to us church folk; and you can bet it matters to Rowan the Wise.) He's saying we're apostates, just like the orthodoxhunds do. You can say it fancy or not, but on this matter, Rowan Williams is Pat Robertson in a collar and an accent.

Cost Analysis

Rowan tells us that Episcoplians are still Anglicans but we can't be OUT in the Communion's meeting. This is don't-bring-your-lover-to-Christmas-Dinner closeting. It's DADT on a global, ecclesiastical scale. Meanwhile, his concern over ecumenical efforts seems positively quaint, doesn't it? While the Bishop of Rome, a.k.a. Pope Bentdick, is openly trying to pick off the Cranklicans who form Rowan's last best hope for the Communion.

And Rowan justifies the demotion of Episcopalians by saying that "[they must pay] a cost when they move away from what is recognizable and acceptable within the Communion." (Acceptable?! You can't make this shit up.)

Oh, really? We have to pay to stay in the closet? To hover in the background and sign the checks and credit card receipts? I'm feeling a very house-nun role coming on.

Well, recognize this: American Episcopalians would do well to acknowledge the holy fire in their bellies and stop begging for the privilege of addressing the father personally.

If you really want think about what it costs to be a real Christian, Rowan, try the old AFRICAN and AMERICAN gospel song that the late great Mahalia Jackson used to sing:

It don't cost very much.
Just to leave a gentle touch.
Or to give a glass of water
to a pilgrim in need of such.

Oh, you may not be an angel,
and you may not go to church,
but the good that you do
will come on back to you.

And it don't cost very much.

ALLELUIA. Thanks be to God for The Episcopal Church. ALLELUIA.

SHWEW, THAT WAS CLOSE: Cagie Kagan Is Straight!

MISTER BATES was flooded with relief to read, according to SC nominee Elana Kagan's college roomie, "She's straight!" No matter that a buddy of Mister Bates immediately claimed that "if she's not a lesbian, Liberace was a top!"

And the relief just spreads among Kagan's straight 'liberal' supporters. Even the queers are relieved, if advocate.com is any indication

"She just never met the right guy."

Well, neither has Mister Bates but that hasn't stopped him from tasting what's on offer.

Onward and upward. Now all we have to worry about is whether we can trust a 'straight' woman who doesn't believe there is a constitutional right to marriage equality. How relieved does that make YOU feel?

SEPARATED AT GIRTH: Kagan and Rekers Share A Crowded Closet

In five online pages wherein Elana Kagan's poker playing skills were mentioned three times, The New York Times had this to say about the closeted lesbian nominee for the Supreme Court, "Kagan has never married." And that tone of DADT has held across the Liberal Establishment who claim it doesn't matter, so shouldn't be discussed, but who KNOW that if it is discussed and Kagan is firmly outed her entire nomination is in jeopardy. Thus, The Times and their ilk ironically are discovering the narrow measure of the closet for themselves. As the first wave of people to "out" public figures realized, you can't keep the closet closed without locking yourself in there, too.

Truth will out. Meanwhile, the Obama-libs' fig leaf? Kagan has never self-identified as a lesbian. Just as she has never self-identified with a single politically weighted position in her entire career? It seems that this nominee has a fetish for opacity that might be worrying, even to cheerleaders like The New York Times. Her denial, vociferously reinforced by the White House, of what, in Cambridge circles, is the open secret of her lesbianism is part and parcel of the unnerving mystery that is Elana Kagan. Translation: HER CLOSETEDNESS MATTERS because it's emblematic of the subterfuges that dovetail in her entire CHARACTER.

Many gay politicos--not surprisingly Joe Solomonese of the Subhuman Rights Campaign among them--seem to have been enlisted in the "it shouldn't matter" conspiracy of silence around Kagan. The theory with them, and other Obama "liberals" being, let's just get her on the court and she'll be good to us.

THE SELF-LOATHING DYKE IN THE OINTMENT: a closeted queer is more dangerous to LGBT folks than a conservative straight. And we need look no further this week than the rich and deep ironies in the exposure of anti-gay/ex-gay Family Research Council founder George Reker as a repeat patron of Rentboy.com.

KAGAN IN THE CLOSET IS A DANGER TO LGBT PEOPLE and our struggle for equality. How's she going to treat our cases on the court if affirming our rights could expose her personal lie? And it makes sense to ask, if she hates her own queerness enough to deny it, how friendly will she be to the rest of us? Homophobia starts in the home closet and it's first victims are the ones who got away.

Mister Bates has a long memory, one that stretches back to former Congresswoman LIZ HOLTZMAN's visit to a rowdy ACTUP meeting in New York in the late 80s. She'd barely begun to talk before the dykes in the room started chanting "Come Out! Come Out! Come Out!" Liz fled the podium and the meeting. And she LOST whatever she was running for that had brought her to seek, shhh, queer votes. Sad Liz Holtzman, LESBIAN LOSER.

And what Baby Dyke spent the summer of 1980 trying to get Liz Holtzman elected to the Senate? Oh, yeah, ELANA KAGAN.

Sister Kagan, that ACTUP meeting hall is still echoing: COME OUT, COME OUT, COME OUT, COME OUT.

And it's still true, Elana: Your SILENCE EQUALS DEATH.

WHO'S NOT READY FOR REPEAL? dadt ringing in soldiers ears

Days BEFORE the Dept. of Defense' big OLD boy, Robert Gates said repealing anti-gay bigotry in the military would "send a very damaging message to our men and women in uniform," soldier Aaron Melcher and his comrades in drag send a MAJOR VOICEMAIL in the form of their ultra brilliant Lady GaGa "Telephone" remake. (In a single week, they've already racked up 1.2 million views. Take THAT random sample, Obie!)


How many ways does this 3 minute video show that Gates, Obama, et al, have not got a CLUE what or who the 'men and women in uniform' are?

1. This is garage drag at its gayest level, regardless of who's cornholin who, or not, in Obama's sandy new Vietnam.

2. Melcher's a two-mommies man, proving that lesbians can too teach a boy to dance!

3. Gates and Obama are like props off the set of Mad Men, that's how anachronistic they are.

4. But if we have to be retro, reach back to Truman. He desegregated the military how? WITH AN ORDER. Gates and Obama are ball-less wonders. UNLIKE the straight-but-so-not-narrow Aaron Melcher who is wondrously 'free to be you and me.'

5. The only good news is the future is now. And it does NOT include Obamahower and his white boys can't jump administration.

Thanks, 'Malibu Milkshake Melcher.' You ring Mister Bates queer bell.

LEST WE FORGET Oil Slick Barry Is All For Off-shore Drilling

They sure are quiet about it at the moment—with much of the Gulf literally in flames and a 200-mile stretch of critical estauaries and salt marsh about to be inundated with thousands of gallons of crude oil every day...for months, if not years—but just a month ago, Obama and his white boys were all about off-shore drilling all along the American coasts. But don't trust me, let's return to the nation's journal of record:

Take a moment to stroll with Mister Bates down memory lane...

THE NEW YORK TIMES
March 30, 2010

WASHINGTON — The Obama administration is proposing to open vast expanses of water along the Atlantic coastline, the eastern Gulf of Mexico and the north coast of Alaska to oil and natural gas drilling, much of it for the first time, officials said Tuesday.

The proposal — a compromise that will please oil companies and domestic drilling advocates...would end a longstanding moratorium on oil exploration along the East Coast from the northern tip of Delaware to the central coast of Florida, covering 167 million acres of ocean....the sheer breadth of the offshore drilling decision will take some of his supporters aback.

WELCOME OBIE How was your flight (from reality)?

The above pic of a Hollywooder greeting the Prez on his recent, much-heckled visit to shake the palms for Barbie Boxer...warmed my stone heart. Seems the Welcome Wagoneer has a problem with the Prez's Vietghanistan War. That makes one, I guess. Where have all the hypocritties gone....

And now word comes the Latinos in Congress have had enough of Harvard's best. But enough of enough. The low-hanging fruit with Ike and Mamie Obama is...too ripe to touch. Let's let it rot of its own accord. Anger is so 09.

Meanwhile, Annie-mal Wintour STILL needs to be SENT HOME to join the gang of poorly washed poshies in Notting Hill from whence she came. If they can just get the ASS CLOUD to make room for her bony butt.

God bless and hugs all round.

WINTOUR XVI Resign!

Italy has called La Wintour, Critter in Chief of American Vogue, on her pontifical assumption that she could dictate the Milan Fashion Calendar. Clearly they know what she hasn't realized: it's time to downscale and move back Notting Hill. Just like Benny The Ratzinger, YOU'RE OVAH—Ancient Anna!

PAYING U.S. TO HATE ME The Gay Tax Day Blues

Sitting here with my big fat gay checkbook and about to write the big ones to Uncle Sam, Cousin Dave P and Aunt Bloomieberg. Finish off '09 tax bill, make the first big dent in '10. Funding my own exclusion from the Constitution. Seems I remember people not paying the "War Tax" back in the days of Hanoi Jane.

And now I read Uncle Samantha's having town meetings with soldiers as part of deciding whether gay Americans can quit lying in order to defend a set of freedoms they don't even have. Back to the desegregation of the troops under Truman: Do you think they asked a single soldier what he thought about sharing the battlefield and bunkhouse with black soldiers? Again: the military works on orders. The soldier's job is to OBEY. SO ORDER EQUALITY. NOW. AND THEY WILL OBEY.

Speaking of de-funding wars... what's UP with this Afghanistan thing? Paying for that, too. Add another 0 and FORGET ABOUT SOCIAL SECURITY being there when my generation needs it.

It's a sociological commonplace that money troubles are the number one cause of relationship failure. Well, I am SO out of love with paying for OBAMA'S Justice Department to write MORE briefs supporting the fed ban on marriage equality.

Lissen up, Obie: the gay check's in the mail.

SUSANNA MAILO: Trendsetter

Whilst the poor Papa is getting dragged down by his mighty mitre into the mire of priestly diddling of pubescent boys, apparently 1000s upon 1000s of them, and clearly is about to be wrenched from the throne of St. Petra, let us take a moment to remember the voice crying in the wilderness that showed us the way: Blessed Susanna Mailo, Pope Tackler. Let us gather round the table of Christ and see once more what was done for one for all: the video.

Can I get an early Alleluia?

ENLIGHTENED, DECENT...BIGOTRY

"Enlightened enforcement" is what The NY Times calls the new guidebook to discrimination against gay and lesbian soldiers in the US military, issued by Secretary of Defense Robert Gates yesterday. He patted himself and the President on the back for showing "common decency" in the methodology for kicking gays out of the military on unconstitutional grounds. Wow. The white boys, and that includes at least half of the Pres, must feel like they're really doing something big. They and, say, Joe Solomoneasy of the Subhuman Rights Campaign.

And now who are the military most worried about losing and/or under-recruiting by DADT repeal? The AP says the "Southern, Christian base" might resist. That would be the SAME base that resisted desegregation of the troops in the 40s.

Shall we repeat: order them to, and they will do it. That's the principle. There's no phase-in, or "gradual easing" needed. The Times says, to effect the change requires "a major push by President Obama." Yeah, we can see that. I'll bet he's already told Rahmy E, "get on that queer justice right pronto."

That would be the same Obama who tried to buy off his gay critics by saying we could be at our dying partners' death beds and funerals—without a single family benefit, including the very insurance we need to get health care for our partners, and ourselves. The same Obamacrats who are giddy with self-congratulation over Health Care "Reform;" whatever you want to call the massive transfer of yet more public wealth to the private health insurance industry, it does NOT make a single benefit available to gay families as such. In other words, the whole health care industry can continue to discriminate against gay families with impunity until the cows come home.

Thanks Obie. Rahmy. Nancy Pee-pee. You're so enlightened and decent. Your children must be proud. (Speaking of Sasha and Malia, next topic.)

'IMPLEMENTING' JUSTICE dadt damn homphobia

Let me ask you this, Gates, Betrayus, Obie, Barney, Tammy, Joey L....

How is ANYTHING ever implemented in the military? By an order. Soldiers are told what to do and when to do it by their superiors. The military is NOT a democracy. It's a hierarchy. So this WATERBOARDING delay of justice for queers in the military is just plain ole duplicitous. You and I and every one knows, when you do something in uniform, it's ONLY because you're told to. So, Mr. Commander in Chief, Lady Gates, et al, ORDER IT ALREADY.

Did it ever occur to anyone that a gay soldier forced to stay in the closet might be a danger to his or her fellow soldiers? I mean, would any gay person be surprised to hear that a gay soldier had lost his/her shit and shot a comrade. I mean, when the REAL ENEMY is in the next bunk... who would you shoot?

Just saying.

'GAY SOLDIERS DON'T CAUSE DISRUPTION' Are We Doing Something Wrong?

Fist half of the above headline is STRAIGHT from yesterday's New York Times.

First off, we don't cause anything; bigotry does, bitches. And that goes for headline writers at the stoopid Times. But if the gays were doing their job, which is making straight America REAL nervous, the troops would be scared.

I mean, what do WE owe an institution that has harrassed, beaten and killed us for more than a couple of centuries? Think this: gay warriors. Armed and dangerous. Be scared, be very scared. Give the troops nightmares to go with all their other ghosts.

Just like they had back in the day... black dudes with guns. Sure the troops were against it. They were scared shitless they'd be strangled in their beds. Just like gay boys and girls in the American military are now.

If you're gay and you aren't disrupting something, examine yourself. You may be straight.

MOSSAD GAIL A Star is Born

LATE ENTRY FOR OSCARS
Hurt this Locker, Hollywood! hats off to Gulf News TV and the Gov of Dubai for the most compelling film of 2010. Synopsis: Mossad wigs (and beards) out in a hotel shell game and smothering assassination of Hamas Honcho Mahmoud Al Mabhouh.

Why go sit through a three-hour cartoon in paper glasses? Screw directors and directresses. This is bot surveillance at its height.

"The Murder of Mahmoud Al Mabhouh"
The Oscar for Deathtime Achievement
Give it 27 minutes, it'll give you the world.


Click and drool.

DOGGIE STYLE Never Heel

Mr. B was re-taught a big lesson the hard way this morning: don't ever be too available. Chew on that.

PROUD WHORE USA Signs of Hope

America is so silver medal these days, no? Maybe it’s really more like dishonorable mention. Bush played Tanya to our Nancy Kerrigan. “Why, Why???!!!” Boo hoo.

But being No. 2 is not all doo-doo. Maybe we can backdoor the global luge.
We’re the world’s new Britain. It ain’t our meat it’s our motion.

Why we live in hope:

AMBASSADOR GAGA
even the Westboro Baptist gets it: She’s our “Proud Whore.”

GLOBAL GLEE
could watch the Glee Il Flash in Roma on youtube in continuous loop for a year

JOHNNY W
babyfaced sissy skates circles around the closet in school-play chic

RODARTE
fat girls make amazing mongrel fashion, are they doing it to the Skinnies on purpose?

DIY
do it yourself, do it to yourself, do it with yourself, LONG LIVE LARS & BIANCA!

BRUNGE
Marc Jacobs Au/Hi 2010/11 gives us forty shades of cardboard in Aunt Hortense silouhettes.

BROKE
Turns out everyone except tacky old China is more broke than we are. The Euro’s left the track and hit a pole. Time to fait de shopping?

TOTTERING DICTATRIXES
American Vogue’s Chief Britch may see her visa run out, if Milano’s Corriere della Sera is a bella weather: “Nobody, not even if her name is Anna Wintour can…undo our fashion calendar.” And Il Sole 24 Ore says the empress is starkers: “Wintour has been imposing her diktats on…Milan for years.”

Bienvenuto a Milano, Signora Wintour. Question: is there anything American about American Vogue anyway? Pasture her at the Costume Institute? Why? Not only is she OLD. But she’s not American. Off with her bob!

So all signs are go for The Great American Comeback. Don't miss out. Get your Proud Whore on, homies.

LAISSER LES BON TEMPS ROULER Bitches

Mr. B remembers when he was already hammered and running around the French Quarter in his tighty whities and flip flops by this time of day. On THE day.

Throw me something, mistah.
Show me something, sistah.

LOVE HANGOVER The VD After

McQueen is still dead.
'Fashion Week New York'for teenage tv stars is still going on.
The sun is still deceptively bright.
The streets of Hell's Kitchen are still frozen.
Good friends are still falling out.
But somewhere in the middle of this icecube island,
a match struck.
Someone met someone.
And together they jumped into the blaze without looking back.
Ashes to ashes, funk to funky and all that.
That. Ancient bitter bros and sissies,
is what happened last night,
without a single rose having to die.
Love goes on.
Love eats its own.

CRANMER’S HANDSHAKE And The Gay ‘Apology’ of His Grace Rowen

Archbishops of Canterbury have a knack for getting with the program of history just as history has moved on, as in the case of the quadruple-crosser Thomas Cranmer (Canterbury 1533-1556). On the stake, thoughtfully provided him by ‘Bloody Queen Mary,’ extending his ‘offending’ and doubtless shaking hand into the flame, Cranmer sought to martyr himself into history as a good Protestant, rather than the duplicitous careerist of any faith he had always been. It has to be said, as it so often must be where bishops are concerned, with friends like Cranmer, who the fuck needs enemies?

And so we come to the present ABC, appointed by exposed war criminal and finally ‘out’ Roman Catholic Tony Blair, Rowen ‘Sasquatch’ Williams and his recent “apology” to gay and lesbian Christians. For what? Rowen hasn’t exactly said, but among the possibilities would be his decade-plus of personal denunciations, witch hunts and nefarious back-channel and open global plots against queers in ‘his’ church and our world.

What’s the Latin for Too Little Too Late? Parum Quoque Tardus? The ABC is PQT, and as ever talking out of at least two sides of his whiskers, begging his gay-burning African co-religionists to make room in their hearts for difference while proposing a separate and unequal ghetto for The Episcopal Church, the American member of the Anglican Communion that has itself belatedly embraced LGBT inclusion.

This much: PM very-soon-to-be David Cameron will sack Rowen. Lilibet II will rubber stamp it with the tip her of Lucite cane and then, maybe Rowen can take his Hitler-youth friend Benedict XVI up on his offer of shelter from the storm of actual modern life. Then of course, the Tories will give England a proper ABC, banishing all hope of any woman or queer who enters there. And so, since only women and queers want to have anything to do with the Church of England, the candles may be gathered up and the wormy oak doors shut. The medieval churches can go back to being the barns they were before they were stolen from, among others, ignorant Welsh drovers, no doubt Rowen’s progenitors. All’s well that ends in the manger.

And if ever you should meet Rowen Williams on the path and he extends his hirsute palm, the recommended response is, “Keep it to yourself, bitch.” Then go right on walking your queer ass toward Jerusalem.